While some of us love giving gifts to our romantic partner, others of us dread it. Will we get them the right thing? Will they like it? Will they hate it and not tell us… you get the picture.
Many times the way we purchase gifts is in a state of unconsciousness. We think about what the person might need or we think about what we would like the person to have. Often, we're not paying attention to what our partners want - and this is where we can blow it.
I just had a client this week tell me that he gives gifts to his wife "all the time" but it doesn't improve their intimacy. When I asked him if he does this number one thing before he gives her the gift, he went on to tell me about all the things he likes to buy her. While this is sweet and good intentioned, this loving man was missing the boat. As many of us often do.
Think about all the times you've gotten a gift from your romantic partner and wondered "Do they even know me"? And now, think about the gift that you would truly love from your romantic partner.
To give a great gift you have to do it in a state of authentic awakeness – if that's even a word. What I mean by that is, you have to do it in a way that you truly consider what your romantic partner wants most from you (not what you mostly want to give them). I know you're saying, "But Jenn... this takes work. This takes more time then that unconscious stuff."
According to author Gary Chapman, there are five main ways we want to get and experience love. Each of us has a "primary" way and often a "secondary" way. He calls them the 5 Love Languages. These love languages include:
- Acts of service
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Physical touch
Consider this, we often give love the way we want to receive it. If your primary love language is "gifts" and your romantic partner's primary love language is "quality time," you could be spending a lot of money and missing the boat, every time. I know It's hard to see the disappointment in your loved ones eyes, when you buy them that little négligée that you thought was the perfect gift. However, through some easy investigation you can easily identify their primary love language and from now on, be giving them, what they feel, is the best gift they could ever received from you - and that's quality time! In fact, with some thoughtful awakeness, you could be giving them quality time while you're having lunch, holding hands, making eye contact and then shopping for that perfect négligée that you would love them to have. See how this works.:-)
Women often think that men's primary love language is physical touch. But most recently I had a couple who learned that his primary love language was actually words of affirmation. She was surprised and pleased to know this. He confirmed it was some laughter. Do you know your primary love language? Do you know your romantic partners primary love language? If you do you're on your way to being the best gift giver!
The number one way you can be sure to rock it out of the park now and always is to be awake in your gift giving, Consider the person you're giving the gift to and what is their primary love language? Give them the gift they want and watch them beam from ear to ear.
To find out more about discovering your romantic partner's primary love language (and becoming an awesome gift giver) go to
watch the sweet 3 minute video and take the quick quiz.
For more information about having the best relationship you can have, check out
or call me for a check up, check in or double-check.