Why Therapy Alone Won’t Fix Your Relationship: The Power of Doing the Work Outside of Sessions

Couples therapy is a powerful tool for healing relationships, especially after betrayal. But I need to be honest — therapy alone won’t fix your marriage. Research by Dr. John Gottman, one of the world’s leading marriage experts, shows that couples who consistently apply what they learn in therapy outside of sessions have a significantly higher success rate than those who simply show up for weekly appointments. Gottman’s studies reveal that couples who actively work on their relationship outside of therapy have an 86% success rate, compared to those who just attend sessions (hoping that they’ll absorb and retain the information) without implementing changes, who see significantly lower long-term improvement.

So, why does doing the work matter so much? Therapy provides guidance, but real change happens in daily interactions—how you handle conflict, how you reconnect after arguments, and how you build trust over time. Couples who engage in structured therapy homework—such as internal check-ins, soft start-ups, and intentionally showing up for the marriage through making deposits into the invisible, emotional, marital bank account—see higher levels of relationship satisfaction, increased trust, and reduced conflict. These couples stop the old cycles and patterns and lean into new ones. Without these habits, couples often find themselves stuck in the same destructive cycles, expecting therapy alone to create miracles.

Ignoring therapy assignments is like hiring a personal trainer but never working out between sessions. I can promise you won’t see the best results. Gottman’s research highlights that couples who avoid applying therapy principles outside of the therapist’s office are more likely to drop out of therapy early and fall back into old, harmful communication patterns. It’s not enough to just talk about the relationship in a controlled environment—you have to live the change, every single day. And if you ask couples who have done the work, they’ll tell you, "It’s worth It".

If you’re in therapy but still struggling, ask yourself: Are we actually doing the work? Are we practicing what we learn? The good news is that small daily efforts can create massive long-term improvements. If you’re ready to stop repeating the same arguments and start making real progress, I can help. Reach out to me for powerful therapy exercises that will transform your relationship. Don’t just show up — do the work and see the difference.

Title: 15 Little-Known Facts About Your Therapist That Will Change the Way You Approach Marriage Therapy

Are you gearing up to meet with a marriage therapist for the first time? While it might feel a bit daunting, understanding a few key facts about your therapist could totally change the way you approach therapy—and the experience itself. Here are 10 little-known truths about marriage therapists that every couple should know before diving into therapy.

1. They’re Not Just Listening, They’re Strategizing

Your therapist is more than just a sounding board. They’re actively listening and formulating strategies to help you reconnect, rebuild trust, and work through challenges. They aren’t passive; they’re your guide to a healthier marriage.

2. They’ve Heard it All

Feel embarrassed about bringing up your most sensitive issues? Don’t! Therapists have heard it all, from everyday squabbles to major trust breaches. There’s nothing too embarrassing to talk about in therapy. They’ve seen it and worked through it all before.

3. They’re Not Your Referee (But we think it's funny that you think so)

It might seem like a therapist should step in when things get heated, but marriage therapy isn’t about taking sides. Therapists are there to guide the conversation, help you understand each other, and work toward solutions—not to pick winners and losers.

4. They Don’t Judge You (Really!)

One of the most common fears people have when starting therapy is that their therapist will judge them for their actions, emotions, or relationship history. The truth? Therapists don’t judge; they’re trained to be impartial and empathetic so they can help you improve, not criticize you.

5. They Believe in the Power of Small Changes

Therapists often emphasize that little changes can lead to big results. You don’t have to reinvent your relationship overnight. Baby steps toward healthier communication, trust, and intimacy can work wonders.

6. They Want You to Succeed (They really do!)

It’s in their best interest for you to succeed. Marriage therapists are passionate about helping couples overcome their struggles and build lasting, fulfilling relationships. Your success means they’ve done their job well.

7. They Don’t Have All the Answers (And That’s Okay)

Therapists aren’t mind readers or miracle workers. They’re there to guide the process, but they won’t always have every answer immediately. Marriage therapy is a journey, and your therapist is there to help you discover what works for you and your partner.

8. They Work With Both Partners (Not Just One)

One of the biggest misconceptions is that only one partner needs therapy. While individual therapy is valuable, marriage therapists specialize in working with both partners simultaneously to facilitate communication, collaboration, and mutual growth.

9. They’re Not Just There for Big Issues

Yes, therapists are great for working through major life events like infidelity or parenting struggles. But they can also be super helpful when you’re facing smaller, everyday relationship challenges. Regular therapy check-ins can keep your marriage strong before things escalate.

10. They Never Stop Learning (That's why you're paying the big bucks)

Marriage therapists are committed to continuous education, regularly attending workshops and seminars to stay updated on the latest therapeutic techniques and research. This dedication ensures they provide the most effective strategies for your relationship.

11. Their Job Is Incredibly Stressful (dare ya to try it for a day and not be wiped out)

Managing multiple clients daily, often dealing with complex and emotionally charged issues, can be mentally and emotionally taxing. Despite this, they remain dedicated to supporting you through your challenges.

12. While You Speak, They’re Solving a Mental Puzzle (and managing their own emotions)

As you share your experiences, therapists are actively processing information, identifying patterns, and formulating strategies to help you navigate your relationship challenges.

13. They’re Trained to Listen Intently (Listen, look, feel your energy. It's a lot to sort out!)

Active listening is a cornerstone of therapy. Therapists are trained to pick up on subtle cues, underlying emotions, and unspoken concerns to fully understand your perspective.

14. They Remember All the Dynamics at Play. (They may not remeber a name but they'll remember all the details of your story!)

Therapists juggle numerous details about each client’s life, including family dynamics, personal histories, and individual personalities, all while maintaining a calm and composed demeanor.

15. They Maintain Strict Confidentiality (That's why they ignore you at the grocery store)

Your privacy is paramount. Therapists adhere to strict ethical guidelines, ensuring that everything discussed in therapy remains confidential, fostering a safe space for open communication.

To sum up:

Your therapist is human too. Working hard to understand you and help guild you towards a better, happier and healthier life and relationship. Their greatest success is when you leave their office and recommend them to a friend or loved one.

Why People Really Go to Therapy: 10 Reasons You Didn’t See Coming (and 10 You Totally Did)

When most people think about why someone goes to therapy, the usual suspects come to mind: anxiety, depression, grief. And sure, those are common reasons, but they’re far from the whole story. Therapy isn’t just for life’s “rock bottom” moments—it’s also for the quiet struggles, the weird patterns, and the “Why does this keep happening?” moments. Let’s break it down.

The 10 Obvious Reasons People Go to Therapy:

1. Anxiety or stress
2. Depression or low mood
3. Grief and loss
4. Trauma and PTSD
5. Major life transitions (like divorce, job loss, or moving)
6. Relationship issues (Pre-Marital, Affair Repair, Divorce couseling)
7. Low self-esteem or confidence
8. Addiction or unhealthy coping habits
9. Parenting challenges
10. Mental health diagnoses (like OCD, bipolar disorder, etc.)

The 10 Not-So-Obvious Reasons People Go to Therapy (That Totally Make Sense):

For Couples:

1. The “Who Loads the Dishwasher Right?” Fight: It’s never just about the dishwasher. Therapy helps couples stop arguing about the small stuff and start hearing each other’s deeper needs.
2. Because the Kids Left, and Now It’s… Quiet. The empty nest can feel less like freedom and more like, Do we even like each other anymore? Therapy helps couples reconnect after the parenting chapter closes.
3. To Stop Feeling Like Roommates with Joint Custody of the Couch: When life gets busy, romance can flatline. Therapy helps couples move from “co-managers of chaos” back to “partners in love.”
4. To Argue Like Adults (Not Exhausted Teenagers): Conflict is normal—therapy teaches couples how to fight fair, without turning it into a full-blown Cold War.
5. Because One of You Talks Too Much, and the Other Shuts Down: Therapy helps bridge the gap between “Can we please talk about it?” and “Do we have to?”

For Individuals:

6. To Stop Saying “Yes” When You Mean “I’d Rather Swallow a Cactus”: People-pleasing is exhausting. Therapy helps you find your boundaries—and stick to them.
7. Because You’re Crying at Dog Food Commercials (and You Don’t Even Have a Dog): Random emotions are usually about more than just a sad soundtrack. Therapy helps you figure out what’s really going on.
8. To Break the Cycle of “Why Do I Keep Doing This?!” Whether it’s dating the same type of person or procrastinating again, therapy helps you break old patterns.
9. Because “Work-Life Balance” Feels Like a Joke: Therapy helps you stop feeling like you’re failing at everything and start finding peace in the chaos.
10. To Have One Space That’s Just Yours: No advice, no judgment—just someone listening while you untangle the mental spaghetti. The Bottom Line: Therapy isn’t just for crisis mode. It’s for the moments when life feels off, when patterns don’t make sense, and when you’re tired of pretending everything’s fine.

Wondering if therapy might help you - Let’s talk. Schedule your first session today and see how clarity can change everything.

10 Little-Known Facts About Marriage Therapy That Can Help You Feel More Prepared

If you and your partner are considering marriage therapy or couples counseling, you might have questions about what to expect. Many couples enter therapy with a mix of hope, skepticism, and curiosity. The good news? Marriage counseling can be a powerful tool for rebuilding trust, improving communication, and strengthening your relationship.

To help you feel more prepared, I'm sharing 10 little-known facts about marriage therapy that can set realistic expectations and help you make the most of your sessions.

1. Marriage Therapy Isn’t Just for Couples in Crisis A common misconception is that couples counseling is only for relationships on the brink of divorce. In reality, many couples seek therapy to strengthen their bond, improve poor communication patterns, or navigate life transitions—like becoming parents or moving to a new city. Seeking therapy early can prevent small issues from turning into bigger problems.

2. A Marriage Therapist Doesn’t Take Sides

It’s natural to wonder if a therapist will “pick a side” in conflicts. However, a professional relationship counselor remains neutral. Their job is to understand both perspectives and help you work together toward a solution. Therapy is about teamwork, not assigning blame.

3. You’ll Work on Changing Patterns, Not Just Fixing Problems

Many couples expect therapy to be about solving a single issue—like constant arguments or trust issues. But therapy dives deeper, identifying relationship patterns that contribute to recurring problems. I often tell couples, "the problem is not what you think it's about, the problem is the pattern." By recognizing these patterns, couples can make lasting changes rather than just putting a Band-Aid on the issue.

4. Confidentiality Creates a Safe Space for Growth

Everything you share in marriage counseling is confidential, creating a safe environment where both partners can be open and honest. I'm often ignoring clients that I see in public for this reason. Therapists are legally and ethically bound to protect your privacy, except in rare cases where safety is at risk. Knowing that your conversations stay within the therapy room helps build trust and encourages deeper discussions.

5. You Might Feel Uncomfortable at First—And That’s Normal

Opening up about personal struggles in front of a therapist can feel awkward in the beginning. But a willingness to be uncomfortable often signals growth and a true opportunity for repair. As you become more familiar with your therapist, sessions will feel like a safe space where you and your partner can work through tough conversations with support and guidance.

6. Therapy Works Best When You Practice Outside of Sessions

The real transformation happens between sessions. Your therapist will provide exercises, communication techniques, or even “homework” to help you apply what you’ve learned in real-life situations. Practiceing the skills you're taught will strengthens your relationship quickly and build a good foundation for saftey. I tell clients to practice these skills a lot in the beginning and when things are going well. Build the new habits now. It's much harder to reach for a new skill when things are elevated in the relationship.

7. Marriage Therapy Isn’t About “Winning” Arguments

Many couples enter therapy hoping a therapist will validate their perspective. But the goal isn’t to “win”— it’s to understand each other better. Therapy helps couples break out of the blame cycle and find ways to reconnect rather than compete.

8. Your Therapist Can Hold Hope for Your Relationship When You Can’t

There will be days when your relationship feels too difficult to fix—where one or both of you may feel exhausted, hopeless, or unsure of the future. On those days, your therapist can hold hope for your relationship until you’re ready to believe in it again. Part of their role is to remind you of the progress you’ve made, help you see the possibility of healing, and guide you through the roughest moments.

9. Therapy Can Be Short-Term or Long-Term, Depending on Your Needs

Some couples see improvements in just a few sessions, while others benefit from ongoing therapy. The length of marriage counseling depends on your goals, the complexity of issues, and how much effort both partners put in. A therapist can help you decide what’s best for your relationship but a commitment to the work will bring results more quickly.

10. Choosing the Right Therapist Matters

Not all therapists specialize in relationship counseling. Finding a therapist with expertise in marriage therapy is key to getting the best results. You wouldn't go to a General Doctor for a heart problem and it's the same in the therapy world. Look for someone with the qualifications you need. In Orlando, working with a therapist who understands your specific challenges can make all the difference in your experience.

What to Know Before Marriage Therapy: Final Thoughts

Starting couples counseling is a brave step toward a healthier, stronger relationship. By understanding these little-known facts, you’ll feel more prepared and confident as you begin the process.

If you’re in Orlando, Florida and ready to improve your relationship, schedule your first appointment today with a licensed marriage therapist who specializes in affair recovery, communication skills, and helping couples rebuild trust. 📍 Serving Couples in Orlando and throughout the state of Florida.

Looking for relationship counseling in Orlando, Florida? I specialize in helping couples navigate challenges, improve communication, and rebuild trust. Schedule your first appointment today!

🔗 Book A Session Here.

Not Feeling the Love? How to Navigate Valentine’s Day When It Feels Hard

Valentine’s Day can be a tough one. While the world seems to be covered in roses and heart-shaped everything, you might be feeling something completely different—grief from a past loss, loneliness in the absence of a romantic relationship, or sadness over a love that didn’t last. If this holiday makes you want to crawl under a blanket until February 15th, you’re not alone. Instead of forcing yourself to “just get through it,” what if you approached Valentine’s Day in a way that actually nourishes you?

8 Self-Care Strategies for a Tough Valentine’s Day

If this holiday stirs up sadness, anger, frustration, or longing, here are a few ways to care for yourself:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Ignoring your emotions only makes them louder. Instead, acknowledge what’s coming up for you. Maybe it’s grief, irritability, or disappointment. Maybe you’re getting a headache or feel anxious—whatever it is, it’s valid. Writing, talking with a trusted friend, or even journaling a letter (that you never send) can help process emotions instead of letting them fester.

2. Plan a Feel-Good Escape

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about romance—it can be about whatever you need. Book a selfcare day. Schedule a foot massage, take a nature walk, or get lost in a new book. Plan ahead so the day feels intentional rather than something you’re trying to survive.

3. Avoid the Social Media Trap

It’s easy to feel like everyone else has the perfect relationship when your feed is full of curated candlelit dinners and grand gestures. Remember, social media is a highlight reel, not real life. If scrolling leaves you feeling worse, take a break from it for the day.

4. Shower Yourself with Kindness

Who says you can’t? If you’d buy a gift for a partner, why not do the same for yourself? Treat yourself to something small but meaningful—your favorite coffee or flowers, or a cozy new blanket or that golf club you’ve been eyeing. It’s a way of reinforcing that you are worthy of love, no matter your relationship status.

5. Connect with People Who Get It

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be spent alone if you’re open to it. Plan a friend’s night, attend an event, or even go to a yoga class. Anywhere that brings connection. Sometimes, shifting focus away from what we’re missing can create moments of unexpected joy. Opening Your Heart to a Different Kind of Celebration Even if Valentine’s Day isn’t your favorite, it doesn’t have to be a day of dread. Here are some alternative ways to celebrate love—without the pressure of romance:

6. Make It About Self-Love

Reframe it as a day for self-appreciation. Write yourself a letter of appreciation, list things you’re proud of, or start a new self-care ritual that makes you feel good in your own skin.

7. Celebrate Friendship & Connection

Love isn’t just romantic—it’s found in friendships, family, and community. Send a thoughtful message to a friend, grab dinner with someone who also dreads the holiday, or write a gratitude list of the people who have made a difference in your life.

8. Give Love to Someone Who Needs It

One of the most powerful ways to shift our emotions is to give. Buy a coffee for the person behind you in the coffee line, send a kind note to someone going through a hard time, or make a small donation to a cause you care about. Anonymous love is expansive and opening your heart to others can make the day feel meaningful in a different way.

Final Thoughts:

You’re Not Alone in This If Valentine’s Day is hard for you, you don’t have to pretend otherwise. Whether you choose to care for yourself quietly or celebrate love in an unconventional way, know this: You are worthy of love, exactly as you are.

Remember, you're really not alone so let’s support each other. 💛