Not Feeling the Love? How to Navigate Valentine’s Day When It Feels Hard

Valentine’s Day can be a tough one. While the world seems to be covered in roses and heart-shaped everything, you might be feeling something completely different—grief from a past loss, loneliness in the absence of a romantic relationship, or sadness over a love that didn’t last. If this holiday makes you want to crawl under a blanket until February 15th, you’re not alone. Instead of forcing yourself to “just get through it,” what if you approached Valentine’s Day in a way that actually nourishes you?

8 Self-Care Strategies for a Tough Valentine’s Day

If this holiday stirs up sadness, anger, frustration, or longing, here are a few ways to care for yourself:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Ignoring your emotions only makes them louder. Instead, acknowledge what’s coming up for you. Maybe it’s grief, irritability, or disappointment. Maybe you’re getting a headache or feel anxious—whatever it is, it’s valid. Writing, talking with a trusted friend, or even journaling a letter (that you never send) can help process emotions instead of letting them fester.

2. Plan a Feel-Good Escape

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about romance—it can be about whatever you need. Book a selfcare day. Schedule a foot massage, take a nature walk, or get lost in a new book. Plan ahead so the day feels intentional rather than something you’re trying to survive.

3. Avoid the Social Media Trap

It’s easy to feel like everyone else has the perfect relationship when your feed is full of curated candlelit dinners and grand gestures. Remember, social media is a highlight reel, not real life. If scrolling leaves you feeling worse, take a break from it for the day.

4. Shower Yourself with Kindness

Who says you can’t? If you’d buy a gift for a partner, why not do the same for yourself? Treat yourself to something small but meaningful—your favorite coffee or flowers, or a cozy new blanket or that golf club you’ve been eyeing. It’s a way of reinforcing that you are worthy of love, no matter your relationship status.

5. Connect with People Who Get It

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be spent alone if you’re open to it. Plan a friend’s night, attend an event, or even go to a yoga class. Anywhere that brings connection. Sometimes, shifting focus away from what we’re missing can create moments of unexpected joy. Opening Your Heart to a Different Kind of Celebration Even if Valentine’s Day isn’t your favorite, it doesn’t have to be a day of dread. Here are some alternative ways to celebrate love—without the pressure of romance:

6. Make It About Self-Love

Reframe it as a day for self-appreciation. Write yourself a letter of appreciation, list things you’re proud of, or start a new self-care ritual that makes you feel good in your own skin.

7. Celebrate Friendship & Connection

Love isn’t just romantic—it’s found in friendships, family, and community. Send a thoughtful message to a friend, grab dinner with someone who also dreads the holiday, or write a gratitude list of the people who have made a difference in your life.

8. Give Love to Someone Who Needs It

One of the most powerful ways to shift our emotions is to give. Buy a coffee for the person behind you in the coffee line, send a kind note to someone going through a hard time, or make a small donation to a cause you care about. Anonymous love is expansive and opening your heart to others can make the day feel meaningful in a different way.

Final Thoughts:

You’re Not Alone in This If Valentine’s Day is hard for you, you don’t have to pretend otherwise. Whether you choose to care for yourself quietly or celebrate love in an unconventional way, know this: You are worthy of love, exactly as you are.

Remember, you're really not alone so let’s support each other. 💛

5 Common Reasons Why Couples Go to Therapy: How an Expert Therapist Can Help

Each couple that walks into a therapy office is different. Their stories of how they met and fell in love are captivating and warming. Couple's "engagement story" always makes them smile and when they talk about the details of their wedding day, the whole tempo of the room can shift to a happy, joyous rhythm. But, don't be fooled, by the time a couple makes their first call to a marriage counselor's office they are far from this rhythm and by the time they sit down on a therapist's couch, they ALL have one thing in common; pain.

Couples rarely seek counseling until they are in fear of permanently losing their primary love connection. They wake up one morning (usually it's the middle of the night) and they realize that if things don't change, they may lose the person they once loved so dearly. They feel they've tried everything, except... reach for expert help.

Once the phone call has been made to a marriage therapist and an appointment is on their calendar, couples often breathe easier. For the moment, the pressure is off. Someone else is now in charge of "fixing it."

If this sounds like you, but you're not sure if this is the right avenue for your marriage, read on. You deserve to breathe easier too.

Here are 5 common reasons that couples seek expert counseling:

1. Difference of Values

Individual values can change throughout a lifetime and couples may not always start like-minded. Early in a relationship, couples often look past their differences. But, as time moves on, what was once a tolerable difference can now become a rub.

For example, you may value alone time while your spouse values and draws energy from time with friends; you may have spiritual differences that have become more expansive now that you have a baby or you may have changed your position on a core value that as a couple you shared, leading to turbulence in your relationship. Therapy can help you understand and respect each other on a deeper level, making living with the difference acceptable (instead of merely trying to change each other’s view.)

2. Communication

Couples can experience feelings of isolation and alienation due to a lack of connected communication. It's awful to feel alone while you're sitting next to the person you married.

In a new relationship, texting is flirty and fun. But, as time passes, you need to develop ways to effectively communicate from beyond a screen. Couples who experience communication difficulties have a tendency to dodge hard topics and minimize each other’s feelings, which can deteriorate a relationship. With the help of an expert therapist, couples who struggle with safe, connected communication can learn how to navigate conversations without hurting each other’s feelings (while gaining deeper insight into your lover's needs.) Yay! That's what we all want.

3. Money

Spending habits are a deeply held personal value, often tied to core emotional and psychological needs. We're often not aware of how we truly feel about money until we're in a relationship, and now we're dividing dinner bills and travel expenses (and mortgage down payments and Peleton memberships).

Couples can have differences when it comes to their money values based on how they were raised, how money was spoken about in their family of origin, their earning potential or past money traumas. Even if a couple's in basic agreement about their financial values, they can still have differences in opinion; like what to spend and what to save. Financial disagreements can cause tension and stress in a relationship. An expert therapist can help a couple safely unpack their money differences and then, reconnect with a higher level of understanding and empathy. They can also teach the couple how to spot money triggers and stay calm and connected while discussing how money can make them feel safe or unsafe.

4. Jealousy

Jealous feelings are often directly attached to relational wounds, both rational and irrational. Jealous behavior can come from a place of suspicion and insecurity. The behavior itself can often threaten to destroy a relationship.

Jealously is often comingled with feelings of inadequacy or inferiority—a byproduct of fear or triggered by old or recent traumas. Whether a partner obsessively checks the other’s computer and phone records, or they fear that a business trip is really a cover to continue an affair, jealousy can quickly dismantle a relationship by making well-meaning people act in ways that they never imagined. Working with an expert therapist can help couples understand why jealousy is driving unhealthy actions. It can help the couple decrease the chance of escalation (and disconnection which leads to more jealousy), help the couple to understand and put in place safe boundaries around their relationship and enable the couple to rebuild a solid foundation of trust.

5. Infidelity

Once infidelity is discovered or revealed, intense pain and a roller coaster of exaggerated emotions are the norms. Trust gets shattered and love goes into hiding.

Infidelity causes major trauma in a love relationship. Obsessiveness, depression, anxiety, and a profound sense of loss often follow. Heightened emotions can cause more damage to an already wounded love. Despite the powerful emotions after the disclosure or discovery of infidelity, marriage therapy with an expert marriage therapist can help couples understand and manage these feelings quickly and also learn what to expect in the hours, days and weeks to come. It's tough territory to navigate alone, for a love relationship. An expert marriage counselor will also provide tools for you to reestablish safety in your marriage, spot emotional triggers, communicate in a safe way and eventually reestablish the foundation of trust and respect needed to move forward in the marriage. When both partners commit to healing the relationship, statistics show that through expert counseling the vast majority of relationships can successfully move forward.

Jennifer Sigman, MS, LMFT is an expert in marriage and relationship counseling. Throughout her 29 years as a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, she has successfully guided countless couples through challenging times in their relationship. Jennifer also has expertise in the area of trauma and trauma recovery.