Why Therapy Alone Won’t Fix Your Relationship: The Power of Doing the Work Outside of Sessions

Couples therapy is a powerful tool for healing relationships, especially after betrayal. But I need to be honest — therapy alone won’t fix your marriage. Research by Dr. John Gottman, one of the world’s leading marriage experts, shows that couples who consistently apply what they learn in therapy outside of sessions have a significantly higher success rate than those who simply show up for weekly appointments. Gottman’s studies reveal that couples who actively work on their relationship outside of therapy have an 86% success rate, compared to those who just attend sessions (hoping that they’ll absorb and retain the information) without implementing changes, who see significantly lower long-term improvement.

So, why does doing the work matter so much? Therapy provides guidance, but real change happens in daily interactions—how you handle conflict, how you reconnect after arguments, and how you build trust over time. Couples who engage in structured therapy homework—such as internal check-ins, soft start-ups, and intentionally showing up for the marriage through making deposits into the invisible, emotional, marital bank account—see higher levels of relationship satisfaction, increased trust, and reduced conflict. These couples stop the old cycles and patterns and lean into new ones. Without these habits, couples often find themselves stuck in the same destructive cycles, expecting therapy alone to create miracles.

Ignoring therapy assignments is like hiring a personal trainer but never working out between sessions. I can promise you won’t see the best results. Gottman’s research highlights that couples who avoid applying therapy principles outside of the therapist’s office are more likely to drop out of therapy early and fall back into old, harmful communication patterns. It’s not enough to just talk about the relationship in a controlled environment—you have to live the change, every single day. And if you ask couples who have done the work, they’ll tell you, "It’s worth It".

If you’re in therapy but still struggling, ask yourself: Are we actually doing the work? Are we practicing what we learn? The good news is that small daily efforts can create massive long-term improvements. If you’re ready to stop repeating the same arguments and start making real progress, I can help. Reach out to me for powerful therapy exercises that will transform your relationship. Don’t just show up — do the work and see the difference.

Why People Really Go to Therapy: 10 Reasons You Didn’t See Coming (and 10 You Totally Did)

When most people think about why someone goes to therapy, the usual suspects come to mind: anxiety, depression, grief. And sure, those are common reasons, but they’re far from the whole story. Therapy isn’t just for life’s “rock bottom” moments—it’s also for the quiet struggles, the weird patterns, and the “Why does this keep happening?” moments. Let’s break it down.

The 10 Obvious Reasons People Go to Therapy:

1. Anxiety or stress
2. Depression or low mood
3. Grief and loss
4. Trauma and PTSD
5. Major life transitions (like divorce, job loss, or moving)
6. Relationship issues (Pre-Marital, Affair Repair, Divorce couseling)
7. Low self-esteem or confidence
8. Addiction or unhealthy coping habits
9. Parenting challenges
10. Mental health diagnoses (like OCD, bipolar disorder, etc.)

The 10 Not-So-Obvious Reasons People Go to Therapy (That Totally Make Sense):

For Couples:

1. The “Who Loads the Dishwasher Right?” Fight: It’s never just about the dishwasher. Therapy helps couples stop arguing about the small stuff and start hearing each other’s deeper needs.
2. Because the Kids Left, and Now It’s… Quiet. The empty nest can feel less like freedom and more like, Do we even like each other anymore? Therapy helps couples reconnect after the parenting chapter closes.
3. To Stop Feeling Like Roommates with Joint Custody of the Couch: When life gets busy, romance can flatline. Therapy helps couples move from “co-managers of chaos” back to “partners in love.”
4. To Argue Like Adults (Not Exhausted Teenagers): Conflict is normal—therapy teaches couples how to fight fair, without turning it into a full-blown Cold War.
5. Because One of You Talks Too Much, and the Other Shuts Down: Therapy helps bridge the gap between “Can we please talk about it?” and “Do we have to?”

For Individuals:

6. To Stop Saying “Yes” When You Mean “I’d Rather Swallow a Cactus”: People-pleasing is exhausting. Therapy helps you find your boundaries—and stick to them.
7. Because You’re Crying at Dog Food Commercials (and You Don’t Even Have a Dog): Random emotions are usually about more than just a sad soundtrack. Therapy helps you figure out what’s really going on.
8. To Break the Cycle of “Why Do I Keep Doing This?!” Whether it’s dating the same type of person or procrastinating again, therapy helps you break old patterns.
9. Because “Work-Life Balance” Feels Like a Joke: Therapy helps you stop feeling like you’re failing at everything and start finding peace in the chaos.
10. To Have One Space That’s Just Yours: No advice, no judgment—just someone listening while you untangle the mental spaghetti. The Bottom Line: Therapy isn’t just for crisis mode. It’s for the moments when life feels off, when patterns don’t make sense, and when you’re tired of pretending everything’s fine.

Wondering if therapy might help you - Let’s talk. Schedule your first session today and see how clarity can change everything.

10 Little-Known Facts About Marriage Therapy That Can Help You Feel More Prepared

If you and your partner are considering marriage therapy or couples counseling, you might have questions about what to expect. Many couples enter therapy with a mix of hope, skepticism, and curiosity. The good news? Marriage counseling can be a powerful tool for rebuilding trust, improving communication, and strengthening your relationship.

To help you feel more prepared, I'm sharing 10 little-known facts about marriage therapy that can set realistic expectations and help you make the most of your sessions.

1. Marriage Therapy Isn’t Just for Couples in Crisis A common misconception is that couples counseling is only for relationships on the brink of divorce. In reality, many couples seek therapy to strengthen their bond, improve poor communication patterns, or navigate life transitions—like becoming parents or moving to a new city. Seeking therapy early can prevent small issues from turning into bigger problems.

2. A Marriage Therapist Doesn’t Take Sides

It’s natural to wonder if a therapist will “pick a side” in conflicts. However, a professional relationship counselor remains neutral. Their job is to understand both perspectives and help you work together toward a solution. Therapy is about teamwork, not assigning blame.

3. You’ll Work on Changing Patterns, Not Just Fixing Problems

Many couples expect therapy to be about solving a single issue—like constant arguments or trust issues. But therapy dives deeper, identifying relationship patterns that contribute to recurring problems. I often tell couples, "the problem is not what you think it's about, the problem is the pattern." By recognizing these patterns, couples can make lasting changes rather than just putting a Band-Aid on the issue.

4. Confidentiality Creates a Safe Space for Growth

Everything you share in marriage counseling is confidential, creating a safe environment where both partners can be open and honest. I'm often ignoring clients that I see in public for this reason. Therapists are legally and ethically bound to protect your privacy, except in rare cases where safety is at risk. Knowing that your conversations stay within the therapy room helps build trust and encourages deeper discussions.

5. You Might Feel Uncomfortable at First—And That’s Normal

Opening up about personal struggles in front of a therapist can feel awkward in the beginning. But a willingness to be uncomfortable often signals growth and a true opportunity for repair. As you become more familiar with your therapist, sessions will feel like a safe space where you and your partner can work through tough conversations with support and guidance.

6. Therapy Works Best When You Practice Outside of Sessions

The real transformation happens between sessions. Your therapist will provide exercises, communication techniques, or even “homework” to help you apply what you’ve learned in real-life situations. Practiceing the skills you're taught will strengthens your relationship quickly and build a good foundation for saftey. I tell clients to practice these skills a lot in the beginning and when things are going well. Build the new habits now. It's much harder to reach for a new skill when things are elevated in the relationship.

7. Marriage Therapy Isn’t About “Winning” Arguments

Many couples enter therapy hoping a therapist will validate their perspective. But the goal isn’t to “win”— it’s to understand each other better. Therapy helps couples break out of the blame cycle and find ways to reconnect rather than compete.

8. Your Therapist Can Hold Hope for Your Relationship When You Can’t

There will be days when your relationship feels too difficult to fix—where one or both of you may feel exhausted, hopeless, or unsure of the future. On those days, your therapist can hold hope for your relationship until you’re ready to believe in it again. Part of their role is to remind you of the progress you’ve made, help you see the possibility of healing, and guide you through the roughest moments.

9. Therapy Can Be Short-Term or Long-Term, Depending on Your Needs

Some couples see improvements in just a few sessions, while others benefit from ongoing therapy. The length of marriage counseling depends on your goals, the complexity of issues, and how much effort both partners put in. A therapist can help you decide what’s best for your relationship but a commitment to the work will bring results more quickly.

10. Choosing the Right Therapist Matters

Not all therapists specialize in relationship counseling. Finding a therapist with expertise in marriage therapy is key to getting the best results. You wouldn't go to a General Doctor for a heart problem and it's the same in the therapy world. Look for someone with the qualifications you need. In Orlando, working with a therapist who understands your specific challenges can make all the difference in your experience.

What to Know Before Marriage Therapy: Final Thoughts

Starting couples counseling is a brave step toward a healthier, stronger relationship. By understanding these little-known facts, you’ll feel more prepared and confident as you begin the process.

If you’re in Orlando, Florida and ready to improve your relationship, schedule your first appointment today with a licensed marriage therapist who specializes in affair recovery, communication skills, and helping couples rebuild trust. 📍 Serving Couples in Orlando and throughout the state of Florida.

Looking for relationship counseling in Orlando, Florida? I specialize in helping couples navigate challenges, improve communication, and rebuild trust. Schedule your first appointment today!

🔗 Book A Session Here.