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10 Little-Known Facts About Marriage Therapy That Can Help You Feel More Prepared
Thinking about starting marriage therapy but not sure what to expect?
Many couples enter couples counseling with misconceptions about how it works. Before your first session, it’s important to understand what marriage therapy can (and can’t) do for your relationship. In this guide, we’ll explore 10 little-known facts about marriage therapy that can help you feel more prepared, set realistic expectations, and make the most of your sessions. Whether you’re struggling with communication, trust, or simply want to strengthen your bond, these insights will help you navigate the process with confidence. If you’re looking for expert relationship counseling in Orlando, read on to discover what you need to know before marriage therapy—and how to take the first step toward a stronger, healthier relationship.
If you and your partner are considering marriage therapy or couples counseling, you might have questions about what to expect. Many couples enter therapy with a mix of hope, skepticism, and curiosity. The good news? Marriage counseling can be a powerful tool for rebuilding trust, improving communication, and strengthening your relationship.
To help you feel more prepared, I'm sharing 10 little-known facts about marriage therapy that can set realistic expectations and help you make the most of your sessions.
1. Marriage Therapy Isn’t Just for Couples in Crisis A common misconception is that couples counseling is only for relationships on the brink of divorce. In reality, many couples seek therapy to strengthen their bond, improve poor communication patterns, or navigate life transitions—like becoming parents or moving to a new city. Seeking therapy early can prevent small issues from turning into bigger problems.
2. A Marriage Therapist Doesn’t Take Sides
It’s natural to wonder if a therapist will “pick a side” in conflicts. However, a professional relationship counselor remains neutral. Their job is to understand both perspectives and help you work together toward a solution. Therapy is about teamwork, not assigning blame.
3. You’ll Work on Changing Patterns, Not Just Fixing Problems
Many couples expect therapy to be about solving a single issue—like constant arguments or trust issues. But therapy dives deeper, identifying relationship patterns that contribute to recurring problems. I often tell couples, "the problem is not what you think it's about, the problem is the pattern." By recognizing these patterns, couples can make lasting changes rather than just putting a Band-Aid on the issue.
4. Confidentiality Creates a Safe Space for Growth
Everything you share in marriage counseling is confidential, creating a safe environment where both partners can be open and honest. I'm often ignoring clients that I see in public for this reason. Therapists are legally and ethically bound to protect your privacy, except in rare cases where safety is at risk. Knowing that your conversations stay within the therapy room helps build trust and encourages deeper discussions.
5. You Might Feel Uncomfortable at First—And That’s Normal
Opening up about personal struggles in front of a therapist can feel awkward in the beginning. But a willingness to be uncomfortable often signals growth and a true opportunity for repair. As you become more familiar with your therapist, sessions will feel like a safe space where you and your partner can work through tough conversations with support and guidance.
6. Therapy Works Best When You Practice Outside of Sessions
The real transformation happens between sessions. Your therapist will provide exercises, communication techniques, or even “homework” to help you apply what you’ve learned in real-life situations. Practiceing the skills you're taught will strengthens your relationship quickly and build a good foundation for saftey. I tell clients to practice these skills a lot in the beginning and when things are going well. Build the new habits now. It's much harder to reach for a new skill when things are elevated in the relationship.
7. Marriage Therapy Isn’t About “Winning” Arguments
Many couples enter therapy hoping a therapist will validate their perspective. But the goal isn’t to “win”— it’s to understand each other better. Therapy helps couples break out of the blame cycle and find ways to reconnect rather than compete.
8. Your Therapist Can Hold Hope for Your Relationship When You Can’t
There will be days when your relationship feels too difficult to fix—where one or both of you may feel exhausted, hopeless, or unsure of the future. On those days, your therapist can hold hope for your relationship until you’re ready to believe in it again. Part of their role is to remind you of the progress you’ve made, help you see the possibility of healing, and guide you through the roughest moments.
9. Therapy Can Be Short-Term or Long-Term, Depending on Your Needs
Some couples see improvements in just a few sessions, while others benefit from ongoing therapy. The length of marriage counseling depends on your goals, the complexity of issues, and how much effort both partners put in. A therapist can help you decide what’s best for your relationship but a commitment to the work will bring results more quickly.
10. Choosing the Right Therapist Matters
Not all therapists specialize in relationship counseling. Finding a therapist with expertise in marriage therapy is key to getting the best results. You wouldn't go to a General Doctor for a heart problem and it's the same in the therapy world. Look for someone with the qualifications you need. In Orlando, working with a therapist who understands your specific challenges can make all the difference in your experience.
What to Know Before Marriage Therapy: Final Thoughts
Starting couples counseling is a brave step toward a healthier, stronger relationship. By understanding these little-known facts, you’ll feel more prepared and confident as you begin the process.
If you’re in Orlando, Florida and ready to improve your relationship, schedule your first appointment today with a licensed marriage therapist who specializes in affair recovery, communication skills, and helping couples rebuild trust. 📍 Serving Couples in Orlando and throughout the state of Florida.
Looking for relationship counseling in Orlando, Florida? I specialize in helping couples navigate challenges, improve communication, and rebuild trust. Schedule your first appointment today!
Mental Health: Post-Pandemic
As we embark on this post-pandemic journey, the messages that we have learned over the past months do not just vanish. The knowledge that the alarm is unnecessary is insufficient for our bodies to simply stop reacting.
Written by: Tessa Sigman, ESQ
The COVID-19 pandemic has negatively impacted mental health across the nation. As we acclimate to post-pandemic life, you may experience increased anxiety about reopening. And, as the U.S. vaccination rate rises, the question gripping the nation is “When will things go back to normal?” Although worry, fear, and stress are typical emotional responses to what the world is living through, the pandemic’s impact on mental health should not be ignored.
Our bodies are complex systems, which often run without our conscious guidance. A part of this system is our fight or flight response—the body’s built-in alarm to protect you from potential danger. Over the past year, we have significantly reduced the amount of time we spend out of the house, while training our body’s alarm system to be conscious of factors that we previously ignored. With home being the ultimate comfort zone, some have become extra worried about the danger that awaits outside.
As we embark on this post-pandemic journey, the messages that we have learned over the past months do not just vanish. The knowledge that the alarm is unnecessary is insufficient for our bodies to simply stop reacting. Fortunately, we can help our bodies learn that it no longer needs to be afraid in certain situations, and these tips for a gradual re-entry into a post-pandemic world can help ease your transition:
- Acknowledge Your Anxiety: The pandemic has taken everyone on an emotional roller coaster. It is okay to feel triggered about close human contact and things of this nature. If your brain presents you with a “what if” question, like “What if this isn’t safe?”, realize that it is okay to be uncertain about this. Allowing yourself to acknowledge how you are feeling can help you focus on overcoming anxiety and minimizing these symptoms.
- Start Slowly: Allow your body and mind time to adjust. While you may be tired of being at home, going full-speed ahead into things may increase your anxiety. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take smaller steps before working up to bigger events.
- Positive Thinking: Anxiety can often be related to intrusive or irrational thinking. Letting yourself dwell on these thoughts can magnify the negativity. Instead, focus on actively changing your perception to a more positive one. When negative thoughts enter your mind, taking a moment to alter your thinking can make a large difference in how you perceive the world and how you behave.
- Be Compassionate to Yourself: This process may be a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Excitement to reenter the world can co-exist with grief and fear. While these emotions may seem to be incongruent, it is normal and important to allow yourself to feel everything that you are experiencing. Be kind to yourself.
- Seek Support: You do not have to go through this alone. There is a strong chance that the people around you will be able to relate to, and validate, your feelings and experiences. Talking through fears with a support system can help to reduce associated anxieties. Support can come from friends, family, or a mental health professional.
You are Resilient
You are resilient. You’ve been through tough times and gotten through them. There are 9 pillars of reliance and a proven practice for improving + growing + strengthening your resilience.
Have you ever noticed that some people bounce back from tough times easier than others? Some people seem to "roll with it" + their attitudes are sprinkled with humor or a positive outlook. They can find their way thoughtfully through a problem. They appear to be flexible. You turn to them in tough times because they always leave you feeling optimistic + they can see the silver lining.
This is resilience and we all have it. Some people feed it with fertilizer so it grows big and beautiful. Thoughtful that if they don't feed it, their resilience will wilt, they practice certain things every single day. You can practice these things too.
There are 9 pillars of reliance and at least one proven practice for improving + growing + strengthening your resilience.
Remembering who you are when you haven't seen yourself for awhile.
Start by recalling how you got through a difficult time in the time past. What strategies did you use? What did you do to "come up for air"? What story did you tell yourself? This is resilience. Now water + fertilize that in the days + weeks to come. You're on the right track.
Quick Take-Aways
9 Pillars of Resilience
Optimism
Altruism
Moral Compass
Faith and Spirituality
Humor
Having a Role Model
Social Supports
Facing Fear
Meaning or Purpose in Life
A Proven practice for improving resilience
Change the narrative
"When something bad happens, we often relive the event over and over in our heads, rehashing the pain. This process is called rumination; it’s like a cognitive spinning of the wheels, and it doesn’t move us forward toward healing and growth.
The practice of Expressive Writing can move us forward by helping us gain new insights on the challenges in our lives. It involves free writing continuously for 20 minutes about an issue, exploring your deepest thoughts and feelings around it. The goal is to get something down on paper, not to create a memoir-like masterpiece."
For more information on changing the narrative: https://positivepsychology.com/3-resilience-scales/
For more information on the pillars: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_science_backed_strategies_to_build_resilience
Why You’re Listening All Wrong in Your Marriage
Early in a relationship/marriage we listen with an intention to hear. We hang on every word and breath. We ask gentle questions that are meant to improve connection. If the relationship continues, we feel accepted. Eventually though, we stop hearing and revert to listening.
Life gets busy. Pause. Breath deeply. Try again.
The longer you're married, the more likely you'll hear the phrase “You never listen.” Hearing is one of our primary senses, though we don’t pay much attention to it. Like sight and taste, we take it for granted until it’s interfered with… through a cold, a bad cell phone connection or deafness. Partly, we don't think of listening as a skill. Like eyesight or tasting, we don't know we can improve it. We just assume that we're always hearing/listening and doing a fine job.
I once read that the beginning of a new love relationship is like being intimate with a “Big Ear.” Your new relationship partner hangs on to every syllable and listens to every word you say. They are totally "tuned in" - and this is a turn on! This leaves you feeling good. Cared for. It’s in these moments of the relationship that we feel most connected, most heard and ironically most “seen”. If the relationship progresses, we feel accepted.
Perhaps we consider marriage the ultimate sign of acceptance. If someone agrees to merge their life with ours, despite our sometimes unsavory stories of a character flaw or a life dramatically lived, we can put down the Big Ear and get on with the mundane tasks of day to day living. We float back to listening as we always have... only tuning in to hear, when the station is of interest.
Our marriage partner often does the same thing. Now, they listen with half the effort of the Big Ear. This pattern can lead to marriages that get into the poor communication rut. Maybe it looks like this:
Everyone is talking and no one is listening.
Your partner is talking and you're interrupting.
Your partner is talking and you’re thinking of “the right answer”.
You’re scared to ask questions because you don’t know what to do with the answers.
You take their words so personally, it’s hard to listen.
Your marriage partner is talking and you’re not tuned in at all.
We make mistakes and that’s okay because we’re all human. However, if you practice these Don’ts and Dos you’ll ultimately build your skillset and find connection in your marriage again.
DON’T:
Focus on your answer.
Fidget.
Try to shut down the conversation quickly.
Personalize what your loved one is saying and become defensive.
Hold your breath.
Stare so hard you’re not blinking.
Rush to fill the silence.
The good news is to be a good listener, you don’t have to know the answer or come up with an immediate solution. Most connection happens when you’re being the “Big Ear”.
DO:
Slow and relax your body movements.
Express curiosity “How was that ____ for you?”
Offer words of understanding. “That makes sense…” or “I understand you could feel that way.”
Take thoughtful breaths.
Pause and allow 2 seconds of silence before you fill the space with words.
When it’s particularly uncomfortable, remind yourself that you are loved by this person.
What matters, is that both people in the marriage want to feel connected. They know they felt appreciated and accepted at some point in time and they’re willing to hang in there to get back to those old feelings. Listening is different than hearing. Enter these moments with the intention to hear. Get tuned in, turned on and watch your marriage connection grow.
CLICK HERE... for a good example of right listening.