Mental Health: Post-Pandemic

Written by: Tessa Sigman, ESQ

The COVID-19 pandemic has negatively impacted mental health across the nation. As we acclimate to post-pandemic life, you may experience increased anxiety about reopening. And, as the U.S. vaccination rate rises, the question gripping the nation is “When will things go back to normal?” Although worry, fear, and stress are typical emotional responses to what the world is living through, the pandemic’s impact on mental health should not be ignored.

Our bodies are complex systems, which often run without our conscious guidance. A part of this system is our fight or flight response—the body’s built-in alarm to protect you from potential danger. Over the past year, we have significantly reduced the amount of time we spend out of the house, while training our body’s alarm system to be conscious of factors that we previously ignored. With home being the ultimate comfort zone, some have become extra worried about the danger that awaits outside.

As we embark on this post-pandemic journey, the messages that we have learned over the past months do not just vanish. The knowledge that the alarm is unnecessary is insufficient for our bodies to simply stop reacting. Fortunately, we can help our bodies learn that it no longer needs to be afraid in certain situations, and these tips for a gradual re-entry into a post-pandemic world can help ease your transition:

1. Acknowledge Your Anxiety: The pandemic has taken everyone on an emotional roller coaster. It is okay to feel triggered about close human contact and things of this nature. If your brain presents you with a “what if” question, like “What if this isn’t safe?”, realize that it is okay to be uncertain about this. Allowing yourself to acknowledge how you are feeling can help you focus on overcoming anxiety and minimizing these symptoms.
2. Start Slowly: Allow your body and mind time to adjust. While you may be tired of being at home, going full-speed ahead into things may increase your anxiety. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take smaller steps before working up to bigger events.
3. Positive Thinking: Anxiety can often be related to intrusive or irrational thinking. Letting yourself dwell on these thoughts can magnify the negativity. Instead, focus on actively changing your perception to a more positive one. When negative thoughts enter your mind, taking a moment to alter your thinking can make a large difference in how you perceive the world and how you behave.
4. Be Compassionate to Yourself: This process may be a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Excitement to reenter the world can co-exist with grief and fear. While these emotions may seem to be incongruent, it is normal and important to allow yourself to feel everything that you are experiencing. Be kind to yourself.
5. Seek Support: You do not have to go through this alone. There is a strong chance that the people around you will be able to relate to, and validate, your feelings and experiences. Talking through fears with a support system can help to reduce associated anxieties. Support can come from friends, family, or a mental health professional.

You are Resilient

Have you ever noticed that some people bounce back from tough times easier than others? Some people seem to "roll with it" + their attitudes are sprinkled with humor or a positive outlook. They can find their way thoughtfully through a problem. They appear to be flexible. You turn to them in tough times because they always leave you feeling optimistic + they can see the silver lining. 

This is resilience and we all have it. Some people feed it with fertilizer so it grows big and beautiful. Thoughtful that if they don't feed it, their resilience will wilt, they practice certain things every single day. You can practice these things too. 

There are 9 pillars of reliance and at least one proven practice for improving + growing + strengthening your resilience. 

Remembering who you are when you haven't seen yourself for awhile. 

Start by recalling how you got through a difficult time in the time past. What strategies did you use? What did you do to "come up for air"? What story did you tell yourself? This is resilience. Now water + fertilize that in the days + weeks to come. You're on the right track.  

 Quick Take-Aways

9 Pillars of Resilience

• Optimism

• Altruism

• Moral Compass

• Faith and Spirituality

• Humor

• Having a Role Model

• Social Supports

• Facing Fear

• Meaning or Purpose in Life

A Proven practice for improving resilience

Change the narrative 

"When something bad happens, we often relive the event over and over in our heads, rehashing the pain. This process is called rumination; it’s like a cognitive spinning of the wheels, and it doesn’t move us forward toward healing and growth.  

The practice of Expressive Writing can move us forward by helping us gain new insights on the challenges in our lives. It involves free writing continuously for 20 minutes about an issue, exploring your deepest thoughts and feelings around it. The goal is to get something down on paper, not to create a memoir-like masterpiece."

For more information on changing the narrative: https://positivepsychology.com/3-resilience-scales/

For more information on the pillars: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_science_backed_strategies_to_build_resilience

Why You’re Listening All Wrong in Your Marriage

Life gets busy. Pause. Breath deeply. Try again.

The longer you're married, the more likely you'll hear the phrase “You never listen.” Hearing is one of our primary senses, though we don’t pay much attention to it. Like sight and taste, we take it for granted until it’s interfered with… through a cold, a bad cell phone connection or deafness. Partly, we don't think of listening as a skill. Like eyesight or tasting, we don't know we can improve it. We just assume that we're always hearing/listening and doing a fine job.

I once read that the beginning of a new love relationship is like being intimate with a “Big Ear.” Your new relationship partner hangs on to every syllable and listens to every word you say. They are totally "tuned in" - and this is a turn on! This leaves you feeling good. Cared for. It’s in these moments of the relationship that we feel most connected, most heard and ironically most “seen”. If the relationship progresses, we feel accepted.

Perhaps we consider marriage the ultimate sign of acceptance. If someone agrees to merge their life with ours, despite our sometimes unsavory stories of a character flaw or a life dramatically lived, we can put down the Big Ear and get on with the mundane tasks of day to day living. We float back to listening as we always have... only tuning in to hear, when the station is of interest.

Our marriage partner often does the same thing. Now, they listen with half the effort of the Big Ear. This pattern can lead to marriages that get into the poor communication rut. Maybe it looks like this:

• Everyone is talking and no one is listening.

• Your partner is talking and you're interrupting.

• Your partner is talking and you’re thinking of “the right answer”.

• You’re scared to ask questions because you don’t know what to do with the answers.

• You take their words so personally, it’s hard to listen.

• Your marriage partner is talking and you’re not tuned in at all.

We make mistakes and that’s okay because we’re all human. However, if you practice these Don’ts and Dos you’ll ultimately build your skillset and find connection in your marriage again.

DON’T:

1. Focus on your answer.

2. Fidget.

3. Try to shut down the conversation quickly.

4. Personalize what your loved one is saying and become defensive.

5. Hold your breath.

6. Stare so hard you’re not blinking.

7. Rush to fill the silence.

The good news is to be a good listener, you don’t have to know the answer or come up with an immediate solution. Most connection happens when you’re being the “Big Ear”.

DO:

1. Slow and relax your body movements.

2. Express curiosity “How was that ____ for you?”

3. Offer words of understanding. “That makes sense…” or “I understand you could feel that way.”

4. Take thoughtful breaths.

5. Pause and allow 2 seconds of silence before you fill the space with words.

6. When it’s particularly uncomfortable, remind yourself that you are loved by this person.

What matters, is that both people in the marriage want to feel connected. They know they felt appreciated and accepted at some point in time and they’re willing to hang in there to get back to those old feelings. Listening is different than hearing. Enter these moments with the intention to hear. Get tuned in, turned on and watch your marriage connection grow.

CLICK HERE... for a good example of right listening.